Mistakes: I Think Not

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“There are no mistakes, no coincidence. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


The common, and unfortunately accepted, definition of the word mistake is an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness or insufficient knowledge.

The words in the definition wrap the concept of mistake in other types of thoughts and actions such as opinion, judgement and lack of knowledge that leave us not feeling very good about the whole thing or ourselves. So much so that there has been and continues to be advice or encouragement imparted by many to let us know that it is OK to make mistakes as long as we learn from them, and that everyone makes mistakes. But overall, it all carries a negative connotation and can even have us put more pressure on ourselves or think less of ourselves.

We need to break out of this mindset—the mindset that mistakes exist and the action of judging ourselves by what or how we “do” when we think or someone else thinks we messed up, we failed or did something “wrong.”  We need to stop heeding the advice that mistakes are how you learn—and that carry this unspoken warning of “but make sure it doesn’t happen again.” This breeds fear, imposed by yourself; and living your life and approaching all you do in this state is unhealthy and is not what the Universe meant for you. You need to flip the paradigm and stop thinking in duality—mistake or accuracy, mistake or correctness. lighted beach

Everyday we are growing, evolving and ascending. Everyday there are opportunities to build more awareness and understanding. This happens through our experiences and how we flow through these experiences. It is not about making course corrections in your life to try to get it back on track so you can reach your final destination. First, you are on track, and more importantly, there isn’t a final destination. There are many destinations—places to be for sometimes a short stay and sometimes for a longer stay. Along your life, embracing and accepting them all is fundamental.

In your experiences there are things you do or don’t do—all in the context of a moment or even seasons of your life.  All is as it is to be—and nothing is a mistake. All experiences move us forward, even in the moments when it may not feel that way. And if you are experiencing repeats or similar situations, feelings and emotions it is not that you are repeating what you may define as mistakes, there are however some things in your life that you need to experience until you get from them what you need to know to be able to move on.

So I ask that you drop the thought and word mistake from your vocabulary. The word mistake can be toxic. Have faith that everything you go through grows you—and nothing you have done, do or will do will ever be a mistake.

The Drama Trap

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“Some people create their own storms then get mad when it rains.”

~ Unknown


Having drama in your life is a choice. We all know people who create drama, and who actually thrive on it. It is almost like they cannot function without it. They may complain and seek to avoid what they may think is the unnecessary drama in their lives but what they fail to do is to look at themselves and take steps to stop creating it.

So let’s look at why people keep generating drama in their lives—and unfortunately bring it with them into their interactions and relationships. They act out their drama at work, at school, at home, etc., trying to pull others around them in to be part of the scene and to applaud their efforts in “trying” to navigate the challenging situation or solving the problem. For many, they create drama even during stable or calm seasons in their lives. Why? Addiction to excitement, Boredom, Insecurity, Letting their ego drive their lives.  They strive for calm, peace and happiness, but when they may be living it, it is not enough.

One way to look at it is that they get so used to the inflation in their states of drama—proving that they are right, being the victim to attract attention, trying to control people or situations. This happens when one operates by the influence of external events or circumstances, rather than by the higher Self.

To them drama is just like a habit. Just like other “bad” or unhealthy habits, some people keep feeding them. When we are not happy with ourselves, where we may be in life or feel uninspired or unmotivated, there is a tendency by some to look to external sources or situations to stir things up. Also when a life is filled with negativity, some will be drawn to more negativity. When lost, hurt or afraid, some can be more susceptible to drama as well. lava

If you see yourself in a drama filled life, you need to take a look at your life, and ask yourself (and be honest about your response) if you want to eliminate the drama. Be honest about being drawn to drama and how you may be creating and perpetuating it. Is it easier for you to be the “victim” or to blame others? Do you get an adrenaline rush from drama (even if you say you can not tolerate it)?

If you want to break out of the drama state, first understand that drama as a habit or addiction—like any habit or addiction—will take time to break, and if you are wired to be the drama “king” or “queen” it will be best to consciously and continuously work at it.  Reflect and take a deep dive into yourself to identify and accept why you keep creating and feeding drama. Find peace in yourself—let the past go and stop blaming others.

If you are creating drama to fill a void or because you are bored, try to fill that void with something else—mix up your routine, try something new and calm your mind. You can actually free up space in your life by removing drama. Distance yourself from others who feed off of your drama or tempt you with their drama. It is also important to let go of expectations that you may have about what other people should be like or do, or that everyone needs to agree with you.  Accept things as they are.

In closing, I ask that you think about this. Drama does not just show up in your life. You create it, invite it or associate with others who bring it. And know that you do have the ability and the strength to redirect your energy away from drama.

Looking for Answers in All the Wrong Places

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“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne


Today many people try to find answers to what they think are their woes, or what will make them happy, rich, satisfied, successful, etc., in an “out-of-the-box” solution.  Many are programmed to seek answers from someone else. Think about it. There are all sorts of messages being thrown at us every day to make us feel like we are missing something and tell us subliminally or overtly that we are not what we should be or where we should be.

We have all seen the headlines of the ads and articles . . .

The Secrets to Financial Success

How to Land the Perfect Job

How to be Happy

What Every Parent Should Know

What You Don’t Know about (fill in the blank) that Will Hurt You

This list of admonitions that suggest we are lacking knowledge or insight and that we need some expert to provide us with all the answers—and worse, have us believing that if we do not act immediately, we will never find love, our purpose, our fame or fortune. A fear-based paradigm filled with uncertainty and doubt enters our lives.  And we believe that we do not have the knowledge or internal resourcefulness, and until we find answers from some external physical source, we’ll never know—destined to be in a constant state of searching, feeling lost and unhappy. Street lights city

There are many institutions today that want it this way—to keep the populous unsure, disempowered and preoccupied looking for happiness, and to have us thinking we are not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc.  And we fall into the trap of the power brokers wanting us to stay in some unenlightened state.

For sure, there are many good resources available that can aid people in helping themselves, and learning and exploring throughout life is a good thing, but think how often we fall prey to believing that some personal or professional assessment tool, executive, life, or personal coach, some consultant, family member or friend, etc., will show us the way and give us all the answers. Just as we may start to feel good again or we are making progress something happens in our lives that introduces doubt, fear and uncertainty, and we fall back into a cycle of looking for answers outside of ourselves.

Maybe it is easier this way since looking outside of ourselves to someone or something else gives us someone or something to blame if we don’t think we succeeded. It removes responsibility from ourselves about our Selves. Maybe it is because we think is will be faster or easier if “someone else” does the work for us, tells us what to do and how to do it—and provides us with some advertised magic formula. But there is no magic formula—unless you know that you yourself are the magic formula. You have all the answers for the unique you. No one else does.

You have to remember that no amount of validation, advice, or external support will change that you alone need to choose solutions or answers to what you deem as your challenges and then find the strength within yourself to implement them. All the words, programs, tools or advisors in the world cannot change the fact that sometimes you just need to sit with your feelings, to reflect and to have the answers you seek come to you.

Self-Absorption Beware

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We all have been around or encountered people who are self-absorbed, function in their own world or just seem oblivious to others. Their needs or wants, words, actions and behaviors are void of awareness of the impact others. They are wrapped up in themselves or particular set of circumstances, and sometimes can seem ungrateful and selfish.

Those around them can feel unappreciated and even alienated. Sure, there are some stressful times or circumstances where people can lose sight of what and who is around them. They become so overwhelmed by the situation and challenges that they are facing that they sort of zone out of any situational or emotional awareness. These are extreme circumstances and for the most part are quite understandable.

What I’m talking more about are the people who routinely have a lack of self awareness and really do not see the impact of what they are doing or saying on those around them. Regardless of the topic being discussed, it always has to come back to them or be about them. They drive through encounters with blinders on and moving full steam ahead to their endpoint insensitive to others on the path with them.  They overstep personal boundaries. They take and never give. They are so entrenched in themselves they fail to have gratitude or be kind. ship at sea

We can go into a lot of analysis on what is driving this type of behavior—fear, lack of confidence, hurt, anger, etc. And, yes, there is good amount of self reflection to be had. But when you are in the same space with the self-centered or situationally and emotionally unaware, it can be quite trying and it’s easy to have the WTF moments. If it’s chronic, you might want to speak up and point out what’s going on—with the advice that it may be time for some self-awareness to kick in.

One of the hallmarks of self-awareness is the ability to understand the impact you have on others. Many people go through their entire lives only thinking of their own immediate needs and what will affect them directly. They react to their environment based not on their dreams and wishes but with unconscious thoughts, feelings and actions.

That said, it is wise to check in with yourself once in a while on your self awareness and to make sure that you are not falling into a self-awareness void. The more you pay attention to your emotions and how you work, the better you will understand why you do the things you do.  Recognizing and understanding your emotions will help you get to the place where it will be impossible for your emotions to rule or control you.

Check in on your mindfulness. Mindfulness is the energy that helps you recognize the happiness and contentment that already exists in your life. When you are caught up in worries, fears, anger, the past or the future, you are not mindful of where you are at any particular time. With this, try to slow it down and reduce the multi-tasking. Stop overbooking yourself. It’s OK to do a little less and put some space between things or “to-dos.” Try to stop worrying about the future, what you will say next and overthinking. And stop reliving your past.

If you understand and accept your emotions. reflect and take time to be in the moment, the self-absorption trap can be alleviated. And you might be in a better place to give some helpful hints to those who are chronically self-absorbed—or at least understand where they may be at.