“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.”

~Swedish Proverb

 

When you fly on a commercial airplane, the flight attendant instructs you in the case of a sudden loss of cabin air pressure to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.  Why is this an important rule for ensuring survival?  Because if you run out of oxygen, you can not help anyone else with their oxygen mask.

We can apply the oxygen mask metaphor to everyday life. On the physical dimension we can become overwhelmed, tired, bored, or frustrated by our day to day world. There are many demands and expectations to which we surrender ourselves and sometimes we lose sight of who we are. We distance ourselves from taking care of our mind, body and soul.

On a metaphysical level, we live in times where there are major shifts underway as ascension is happening and we find ourselves living or having the majority of our experiences in the third dimension as fifth dimension characteristics reveal themselves. This can cause agitation, a feeling of loss or confusion and even physical symptoms. In this state we may feel that things are not as they appear and we may find ourselves trying to hold on to what has been, but know we need to let go. This can put many in a state of gasping for air.

But we can not contribute our gifts, talents, compassion or creativity, love or intelligence—in short our destiny to the world—if we are gasping for air ourselves. It is difficult if not impossible to help others if we do not first help ourselves. We need to first experience helping ourselves and taking care of ourselves. We can only know how to help others when we have had the experiences of helping ourselves. 

Our ability to help others and the world around us—our helping power—is a reflection of our knowledge, attitude and talent or skill. In order to help others, we need to invest in increasing our helping power and impact. And this starts with taking care of yourself on the dimensions of mind, body and soul.

I realize that for many this may seem selfish. But this reaction is rooted in the lower vibrations of judgement or expectation of the third dimension. If we think about the oxygen mask metaphor, if we do not put on our masks first we will be deprived of oxygen, become unconscious and not be able to contribute to help others or to make that difference. There can be detrimental consequences.

If we allow ourselves to understand ourselves, to reflect, gain clarity, to practice gratitude, to rest and to be well both physically and mentally, we will have the ability to truly help others. If you allow yourself to have experiences that foster your knowledge, talents and attitude and to improve your overall well-being, you improve your ability to help others.

Also, we need to be cognizant of the difference between empathy (to care about others and understand their feelings) and sympathy (actually helping others). This may sound counter-intuitive, but if you are seeking to make change you need to first focus on evolving yourself. Only when you are equipped to help by nurturing yourself will you find your contributions more meaningful and fulfilling. With this, I encourage all to put on your oxygen masks first.

At a recent conference I was at, a speaker spoke about how he did not want his daughter to be defined as a consumer, and for her not to think of herself as a consumer. “She is a creator, not a consumer,” he said.

This struck me, initially thinking how we unconsciously accept labels imposed upon us by today’s institutions and paradigms, by our family and friends and even ourselves. Then I thought that we are all indeed creators so why do we let others define us, and more so why do we use the defined or existing categories of identity to define ourselves. Maybe because it’s easier, more comfortable or familiar, but when we do this we lose our ability to create who we are.

Ask yourself this question. “Who are you?”

By human nature and by ingrained habit, we might respond with our job title or “what we do for a living,” our heritage or culture, our sex, our relationship status, our astrological sign, our religion, where we live or where we “came from” as in the history of where we were born, grew up and where we now live. If we contemplate the question more, we might respond with our hobbies or values and beliefs.

For some, we may not define ourselves alone. We may define ourselves attached to someone else or something else.  We all have many identities and they are all contextual. How you portray or even define yourself in person with an intimate circle of friends or family, vs in a work environment or on social media will be different. Our various identities are significant, varied and multi-faceted—even multi-dimensional. They reflect us from our endless myriad of experiences.  

The challenge comes in when we unconsciously (and consciously) identify ourselves by definitions that are external to us, and by the generality of these definitions. Mother, wife, student, senior citizen, entrepreneur, retired, employed, end user, consumer, etc.  Our identity is more than the generalized identify of the groups we are part of, what we do or what stage of our life we are in. Our identity is more than the duality of emotions or characteristics we experience today.

However, many get drawn and stuck in self-definition or identity that is not created by them. They tie their identities to false expectations, assumptions, desires created by capitalism, institutional paradigms of degrees, test scores, performance reviews, investments, social media likes and followers, etc. They unwittingly misplace their identity in the hands of others—not questioning, and worse filling a self-fulfilling prophecy created by external forces and others.

When we do this we limit ourselves and struggle with simply being us.  We can fall into the trap of wanting and purchasing things we do not need or even like. We strive to meet goals that are not truly ours. We doubt ourselves when we compare ourselves to others or do not “live up” to the expectations of others. We let a score or a rating determine our future. We let a characteristic that someone gave us in some season of our life dictate our behaviors and close our minds.

As creators, we have the ability to create and define ourselves—and what is even more amazing is that the creation and definition of yourself can (and will) change. Everyday you have the ability to create you. So I ask, why bog this down with labels and definitions that others have bestowed upon you? Define your self.

“If we can respect the divine within us, if we can treat it with dignity, then we can respect others around us.”

~ Vishwas Chavan

 

I have often touched upon self-appreciation and self-love as we explored the constant state of change and the mind, body and soul connection. This in the context of appreciating, loving and accepting you for who you are and all that you are. Self love is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and is fundamental to living well. Self love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from experiences and actions that support our physical, emotional and spiritual growth.

Going hand-in-hand with self-love is self-respect. When we think of respect we often do so not in the context of ourselves but more so in the context of who is respecting (or disrespecting) us and who we respect.  Overall, respect can be defined as a sense of personal value that you attach to someone or someone may attach to you. Self-respect is the personal value you attach to you.

Just like self-love, self-respect grows by our actions or experiences that mature and hopefully evolve us. When we think, speak and act in ways that expand self-respect in us, we have compassion for ourselves and move to a state where we nurture our mind, body and soul. More so, we understand our core values and beliefs and do not compromise them.

Respecting yourself is a major piece in loving who you are. Each of us are magical beings and deserve to be respected and loved because we are unique. A common definition of respect as a verb is “to show regard or consideration for.” In thinking about self-respect, ask yourself if you are showing regard and consideration for yourself and those around you with your thoughts, words and actions. 

Self-respect is something you should automatically give yourself—regardless of what image you see in the mirror or the thoughts running through your head. You need to know and believe that you deserve the respect given to you and show respect for yourself through your actions.

The longest relationship you will ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.  It is up to you to develop and nurture the strength and connection you have with yourself through self-respect and self-love. Only you can define your value. It is not, and never will be, found or defined by someone or something else.

Without first learning how to appreciate and respect ourselves, we will never be able to appreciate and respect the other people and things in our lives. Without self-respect, self-love and investing to find peace with ourselves and cultivating a deep understanding of ourselves, we can fall into the trap of being in a continuous cycle of trying to find acceptance, validation and respect from outside.

The more you respect yourself, the more you will be able to love yourself. As you can imagine, there are many things in life that can distract you from or hinder self-respect. There can be outside influences that interfere with treating yourself honorably. These include the low-vibration energies of comparing yourself to others, envy, fear, judgement and others that are often fueled by life events and situations.

But these life events and situations are simply experiences and you own how you choose to react. If you build a strong foundation of self-love and self-respect you will not react out of fear, envy, judgement, etc. You will be grounded in the value of you and your beliefs.

In short, if you do not respect yourself then you will not take care of yourself, and you will choose to let people treat you badly. With self-respect, you recognize and know your worth and others cannot negatively influence your opinion of yourself. As we have heard many times in many ways, you must love and respect yourself before anyone else can or will.