Freeing Yourself of Expectations
As we journey through our lives and even through a determined process of change we tend to live in and set expectations. Expectations take many forms—from what we expect of ourselves to what others expect of us, and what we expect of others. They are somewhat “inbred” in us from our upbringing, lifestyle, experiences, etc.
In short, we all have a multitude of small expectations that present themselves everyday–expectations on how people should behave, how someone should dress for a work meeting, when someone should call us back after a date, etc. And we have larger expectations–which may be fewer but they have a more pronounced, deep or emotional impact. These may include expectations of your chosen life style, of relationships, of belief systems, etc.
These expectations–small, medium or large–can work to negatively impact and even undermine your life. You carry them with you and when they are “not met” cause you to be upset and even disillusioned–and cause you suffering. And for the most part, for many we don’t really notice them or think about them when we start to feel this way and explore our emotions.
When you have expectations, you have preconceived ideas of how things should be to which you are attached. Expectations, especially the big or large ones, can cause long periods of sadness, hurt, impatience and disappointment. Think about it for a few minutes–the amount of suffering that comes from expectations–those we recognize and those we may not. We sometimes unwittingly become enslaved by our expectations of what defines a good person, success, happiness, etc. We need to learn how to free ourselves from these expectations and choose not to be defined by them.
As you learn to free yourself from expectations–self imposed, inherited or adopted–you will become more aware of them and not permit them to define you or your life. So how do you start to free yourself from expectations?
A first step is to honestly acknowledge your expectations and observe how they present themselves in your life and how they make you feel, react and behave. For most, we use expectations to help us make sense of the world or have some “control” in the world and of our lives. We need to understand that these expectations of ourselves and others causes judgement and can set us up for disappointment.
Once you start to understand this and how your expectations manifest themselves, you can work on being mindful–to be in the present moment and to acknowledge and accept what is true in the present moment without judgement. It also helps to think about or look for possibilities (as opposed to expectations). Expectations predispose your thinking and behavior on an assumed result in the future. Actually, they reduce your options, limit your imagination and cast a shadow on possibilities.
When expectations “control” you, you cannot be “in” or free in the present moment. Your mind wanders and focus is lost, and you get driven to an emotional and judgemental state. When you focus on possibilities, however–based in the present moment–you are more alive and function more fully based on your values. Living your life open to possibilities is having faith in your life and helping your mind and heart to be open in the moment. It helps you be open to and accept change.
As you learn to free yourself from expectations you need to be real with yourself. You need to not deny or avoid the existence of your expectations. No one is really beyond having expectations. The important thing is to know you have them, put them in a place that helps you evolve and grow and where you can open yourself to possibilities. While you work on exploring and understanding expectations and freeing yourself of them, it’s important to embrace where you are in life–to embrace where you are right now and who you are.
Expectations can create fear because you may think what you desire may not happen. When you are free of expectations, you can move with the flow of the universe and not be overly or negatively affected by outcomes. In one way, these outcomes actually move you towards a greater realization of your desires and intentions. And you may be surprised when you unearth how much freedom you have when you let go of expectations.