Define Your Self

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At a recent conference I was at, a speaker spoke about how he did not want his daughter to be defined as a consumer, and for her not to think of herself as a consumer. “She is a creator, not a consumer,” he said.

This struck me, initially thinking how we unconsciously accept labels imposed upon us by today’s institutions and paradigms, by our family and friends and even ourselves. Then I thought that we are all indeed creators so why do we let others define us, and more so why do we use the defined or existing categories of identity to define ourselves. Maybe because it’s easier, more comfortable or familiar, but when we do this we lose our ability to create who we are.

Ask yourself this question. “Who are you?”

By human nature and by ingrained habit, we might respond with our job title or “what we do for a living,” our heritage or culture, our sex, our relationship status, our astrological sign, our religion, where we live or where we “came from” as in the history of where we were born, grew up and where we now live. If we contemplate the question more, we might respond with our hobbies or values and beliefs.

For some, we may not define ourselves alone. We may define ourselves attached to someone else or something else.  We all have many identities and they are all contextual. How you portray or even define yourself in person with an intimate circle of friends or family, vs in a work environment or on social media will be different. Our various identities are significant, varied and multi-faceted—even multi-dimensional. They reflect us from our endless myriad of experiences.  sunrise-autumn

The challenge comes in when we unconsciously (and consciously) identify ourselves by definitions that are external to us, and by the generality of these definitions. Mother, wife, student, senior citizen, entrepreneur, retired, employed, end user, consumer, etc.  Our identity is more than the generalized identify of the groups we are part of, what we do or what stage of our life we are in. Our identity is more than the duality of emotions or characteristics we experience today.

However, many get drawn and stuck in self-definition or identity that is not created by them. They tie their identities to false expectations, assumptions, desires created by capitalism, institutional paradigms of degrees, test scores, performance reviews, investments, social media likes and followers, etc. They unwittingly misplace their identity in the hands of others—not questioning, and worse filling a self-fulfilling prophecy created by external forces and others.

When we do this we limit ourselves and struggle with simply being us.  We can fall into the trap of wanting and purchasing things we do not need or even like. We strive to meet goals that are not truly ours. We doubt ourselves when we compare ourselves to others or do not “live up” to the expectations of others. We let a score or a rating determine our future. We let a characteristic that someone gave us in some season of our life dictate our behaviors and close our minds.

As creators, we have the ability to create and define ourselves—and what is even more amazing is that the creation and definition of yourself can (and will) change. Everyday you have the ability to create you. So I ask, why bog this down with labels and definitions that others have bestowed upon you? Define your self.

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