I have been feeling a combination of agitated, overwhelmed, behind and overall a bit out of sorts. It’s like having the list of to-do’s—and the list might have on it to-do’s that you really want to do and enjoy doing, but you can’t seem to get to them or you lose your desire to do them. You have a moment of inspiration and say “I’m going to (fill in the blank),” or you get a great, creative idea and burst of inspirational energy, but the “get up and go” on it is quickly lost or forgotten.

It’s hard to explain, but you know that just something does not feel right. You feel uncomfortable and like you should be doing more. You start to wonder if it’s just you. You start asking “am I burnt out,” “have I taken too much on,” or “what’s wrong with me that I can’t get things in motion,” etc.

The other day I was working with a colleague and she was telling me about a friend she has that just finished writing her second book, is starting up some new altenative meeting techniques and whose business has been flourishing. I felt this feeling start to creep in of discouragement and “wow I better get my head in the game.” I am truly happy for this person, but it set off some self examination.

Sometimes I feel that I used to be able to do so much more. Bang out work product. Be on. Be energized. Be prolific. And felt great doing it all. I have to admit I’m wired to be busy and to do a lot at any given time, so this odd feeling of not being in that zone right now is, well, really difficult.

So I started to examine these new feelings—why is not being in that zone so hard for me? Was it because of expectations I put on myself or others put on me? Did I really think or believe that I had to be busy and do amazing things all the time? Was busy my sense of pride? Was it a distraction? I have to admit, there is an adrenaline rush from being busy, especially when you are working with people who are energtic, creative and engaged. There is that high of rushing to get somewhere, to be somewhere—to dive into the day.

But lately that adrenaline rush is not there. It sort of snuck up on me over time. This has not been a relatively sudden occurance brought on by some big life changing event. It just sort of happened fueled by a culmination of things, events, decisions, etc. It has been part of a change process. It’s a break from many years of busy and a letting go of the busy. I guess why I am so uncomfortable at times, and I need to work a bit on the comparing my now to my past and stop worrying that by not being busy there will be a negative impact on my future.

And in thinking about this a bit more, this is a time for me to reset and renew. It’s a time to pause and acknowledge my feelings, to celebrate my accomplishments and gain some insight. Although I don’t think I have used being busy as a “status symbol,” I probably have embodied it as a symbol of productivity and self worth—of self worth entangled in busy and with busy defining me or what I do. But self worth is found in who you are not what you do. So in this time of letting go of busy, it opens the door to explore what matters to me and who I am. It is a time where new things can happen.